I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
How's work?
Spinning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
