you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
