From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize