Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
