I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
