Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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