What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
