Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Congratulations! We have a period
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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