I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
