i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
