Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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