My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
