so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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