I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
