her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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