So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
