yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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