Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
