White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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