who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
