woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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