doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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