like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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