it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
