I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
