Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
