I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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