My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize