So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
