he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize