I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
