i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
