Pappa wants mamma naked
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
