Im at strip club and am horny
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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