So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
