WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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