I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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