im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
