You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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