I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
