I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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