I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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