isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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