Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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