Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
