my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
