I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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