drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
