just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
