I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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