the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize