Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
