Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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