My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
