i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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