how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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