My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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