The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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