Soap is not a condiment
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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