you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize