I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
