She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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