Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
