he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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